Author: Donna Barratt

Is your heart in what you do each day?  Do you actively seek joy, connection, and communion with the beauty of the Earth? Are you able to move slowly, letting go of meaningless tasks and letting your senses lead you to an awareness of what is real and true in your surroundings?  Caregiving is a place where it is more important than ever to initiate a foundation in the present moment, based only on those things that bind you to real living; to a life that gives some meaning to what you believe. We are fashioned after a creator and are made to create.  Don’t shortchange your spiritual needs, your inner self of worth, or expressing your feelings in some new creative way.  Stop and let your mind and soul connect.  Give up trying to control anything.  Have you heard the phrase “Man plans and God laughs?”  Take a moment today and begin a new journey.  Stop making plans and start following what moves your spirit.  Play an instrument, walk and meditate, read a book, sit and look at the spring flowers, listen to a podcast that is uplifting or just listen to music that touches you deeply.

Credit for picture and poetry: https://www.themarginalian.org/newsletter/

I told you in that first post that I was a teacher.  I am not a nurse.  A mom, but not a nurse.  Bandaid expert, but I consult Google for all things medical, because……I am NOT a nurse.  I still can get confused about the difference between Advil, Tylenol, and Ibuprofen.

My husband and I realized there was a very large learning curve. When we took that first step into the curve, we entered the world of home health care. Because we could not get our mother in or out of the car without great difficulty, we recognized going to doctor appointments was out of the question.  We started with one company and they responded with quality and effective care.   After a year,  a change in management, a stream of P.A.’s quitting, and lack of response to keep prescriptions up to date, we began a new search for a new company.  We finally found one that came with great recommendations and have been more than happy with them.

Next we began to call around to companies that provided senior help at home so we could have a break a few times.  It took a few months of a merry-go-round of caregivers before we found a winner.  I would recommend Senior Helpers in Kansas City any day of the week. I think they pay more than some, they provide training, and they work hard every day to be the best. I know they have a lot of clients, but when we call, they know we are Marjory’s caregivers and family.  They’ve won all kinds of awards. Our caregiver is young, has great experience and has helped us learn so much.  

The third big part of moving through the learning curve was to find a reliable and reputable transport to take us in for scans that can’t be done at home.  We’ve had blood draws and x rays at home but some scans require the use of large machines. After about eight phone calls to companies that did not seem to know what they were doing or charging, I finally talked to a retired couple who had their own special van for transporting disabled and elderly patients.  They were a healthy break in the conversation and we hired them.  They were just as they seemed, reliable, kind, and helpful.  The costs runs pretty much the same across the reputable companies.  When we had an ice storm and everyone was rescheduling, they could not work us in, but recommended two other companies that turned out to be great as well.  It is not cheap, and insurance will not pay for non-emergency transport unless you require an ambulance, but something necessary for us to manage.

As we maneuvered through this curvy path, our training wheels, our support, our “call a friend,” was my husband’s sister, Joyce.  She explained what I did not understand, made herself available by phone at meetings when there were decisions that had to be made, and took the responsibility of discussions with doctors when it concerned treatment options. 

We have not gone solo yet, and I am sure we will never do so.  Our “training wheels” keep us balanced so we can continue this ride to the end.

I did not intend to be a caregiver.  I retired from teaching and was very happy to do a bit of substitute teaching and educational writing.  My husband, Calvin and I were spending about four out of seven days driving almost two hours north to help his mother who continued living independently in her home after her husband passed away.  And then one day right after we left her, she fell.  She lay on the floor, where her head just missed hitting the brick fire place seat, until the next day when the physical therapist could not get her to answer the door and called.  

After a few days in the hospital we all knew she could no longer live alone. Not only was her physical health at risk but dementia was robbing her of stable mental health.  My husband’s sister decided to take her from our midwestern city to California, her home.  She had the space and knowledge as a retired nurse to give her the best care.  For over three years this arrangement worked well, with my husband and myself going out one month each year to provide respite care.  

Then one Saturday, I got a call from my sister-in-law.  She’d had a major heart attack and needed our help.  I flew out immediately and brought my mother-in-law back to Kansas City.  My husband and I had moved into a local senior living cooperative and thankfully owned a two bedroom unit.  We settled “Marjory” into that second bedroom, and I became a caregiver. 

This site will feature my experiences as a caregiver, sharing things I have learned, Marjory’s great personality and sense of humor, and resources that might help another caregiver on the path.

Now that you are here, I invite you to sit with me and share some conversations. I am a caregiver for my mother-in-law, Marjory. She will be 100 years old this year (2026). The purpose of this site is to engage a community of friends to share personal experiences of caregiving, to show how caregiving continually changes, and to support those who are touched in any way with caregiving.  

Making connections with others who are involved in the arena of caregiving can be comforting and supportive.  I will be posting other websites with resources you might find useful, podcasts, and a list of books on the topics of caregiving, dementia, and Alzheimer’s.  However my posts and the resources I have developed will give you specific examples about how to actually apply information you find in various places. My site will offer hands on materials for you to download, activities that involve your loved one, even minimally, and specific ways you can manage by adapting your activities, care, and daily life around the need.

Caregiving is an ever widening focus as the Baby Boomer Generation fills the slots provided by assisted living and nursing homes which can provide care. Here, I will talk about alternatives for care for the aging population, and share my personal experience.  Needing care can be a burden that is as heavy as that of giving care. The process for meeting the needs of one who requires care is not a straight path, and in fact is different for each case.   

Giving honest information about exactly how caregiving can look, happen, and change daily, is my goal.  It is a very personal issue.  I have gained an understanding of how to live with it, how to meet the problems and make adaptations, and how to find the joy and peace that live just beneath the surface of the demands. As my life moves into the future with my mother-in-law, I will continue to have regular conversations with you about the ups and downs, management of life when you hit a wall, and real life practices anyone can implement.

“Live for the moments that cannot be put into words.” Attributed to Clo Mailen