August 18
“Caregivers Can Naturally Involve a Loved One in What They Do”
I have found over the past three years as a caregiver to my 100 yr. Old mother-in-law, Marjory, I rarely have to come up with things for her to do when she is not napping away in her recliner. Most of these involve doing things I enjoy with her help. You have to focus on what your Loved One CAN DO.
Marjory can no longer walk because of spinal stenosis. She can stand quite well, but putting her weight on one foot at a time is just too difficult. I say that but once in a blue moon, after standing at her walker, she will take off (albeit slowly, with me holding on to the back of her waistband) across the floor, around the island and to the bathroom. I have absolutely no clue how this happens. Then she has days when she can barely stand up even on both feet.
“No matter that I wonder why,
There are days she can defy,
The logic of what she can do,
I just observe what might ensue.”
I love being outdoors in most any weather. I love having plants to look after. Marjory loves this as well so we make good team gardeners. This year we started some flowers from seed. Marjory can help scooping new soil from bag to pots, planting seeds, watering, and then watching and waiting for those first tiny sprigs to reach out to us. It was a daily ritual during that time to examine the pots closely and talk about how much longer we will have to wait.
Now this may sound odd, but I like cleaning house. When I do, Marjory looks across the room and points out things she sees on the floor that need vacuuming, straightened, or moved to a different spot. I always take her advice. She always kept a spotless home. And when I embroider or work on an appliqué, she gets involved as we spread out fabric and brightly colored threads to make choices about both. She has a good eye for color and always makes the best matches.
Both of us love books. She has fallen in love with Shel Silverstein and Alice in Wonderland, especially if I read it to her aloud. She likes to watch local news, something she has done her whole life and then she has a special fondness for old westerns. We love those as well and it is fun to watch together. Music is another joy we share. She loves to listen when I play my guitar and sing and sometimes joins in. We also listen to country western music from the early 1900’s on our Echo Dot.
We both enjoy watching baby and pet videos on-line and keeping up with family through facebook. There are times we play a matching game with a special set of cards and though we tried painting with acrylic and water colors, neither of us enjoyed it at all. I love to knit so I have knitted Marjory a huge shawl for winter or for air conditioning. It is difficult for her to lift her arms into a sweater so this was the right call. She told me I needed to knit some clothes for a little teddy bear someone gave her and she helped me decide on a pattern and colors. I knitted her a pair of socks and hats, and since her signature color is pink, most things I knit are some shade of pink.
Often when napping, Marjory’s arms and hands move through the air like she is knitting or hand sewing. It makes me smile. We have a ring toss game that we enjoy when someone comes over, and we have played balloon volleyball. Those are fun times. I have been known to dance with her in her wheelchair and she loves to push the limits when I twirl her around. She and her husband square danced for more than 40 years so I know dancing is in her blood!!
My hope is that caregivers will simply be a bit flexible and include their loved one in what they do naturally and enjoy the time they have with each other.