A Day in my Life as a Caregiver

”A Day in the Life of One Caregiver”

A lot of my day is filled with caring for Marjory.  Because of her lower spine issues, combined with her dementia confusion, she cannot be left alone or she might try to stand up alone.  Not often, but sometimes.  She actually can stand up without help on some days using her walker, but on other days she is unable to figure it out.  She cannot walk however and falling is always the scare.  She can no longer put weight totally on one leg to enable walking.

So, I get her up, dress her, get her into her wheelchair, push her to the kitchen table where she might read or look at a magazine, her cards that are in a box, or something else I put there, while I wash up, tie up trash bag with night time diaper, throw any wet bedding into washer, and make her breakfast.  If she does not sleep in, we have breakfast together and she enjoys that.  She loves that.  If she is caught up in reading(I will talk about that in another blog), I might pull up my ipad and check messages, read the news, or send out an order for something I need.

If Marjory is not otherwise occupied, we might look at baby videos and make comments (anything that motivates language), look at someone cooking or other photos or videos that catch her attention.  We share thoughts, converse some, laugh together, and talk about what the weather will bring today.  Weather is a subject that is relatable because it is right out the window and she can make connections.  The fun part about our weather is the fact it is so changeable.  It may look like a storm is coming up early and then the clouds disappear and the sun comes out, while later the clouds build up again.  I make sure I get up and go to the patio doors and look out.  I comment that I may have to water our flowers since it looks like the rain is not coming, or that it will be too hot to go out for a walk today.  We make connections.

Marjory is often tired and wants to go back to sleep after breakfast so I transfer her to her recliner.  She may want to stay in her wheel chair and look out the window where we have flowers and lots of birds that visit, play monster card match with me at the table, or watch me make something in the kitchen.  It is difficult to know what she wants to do but I can figure it out.  I think this is important.  Giving her choices, making the effort to communicate, and simply giving her attention, makes her happy.  We often listen to western music from the early 1900’s, watch westerns, or Little House on the Prairie. Watching the same shows, over and over again, give Marjory a familiarity with the characters that she enjoys.  She makes comments during shows, to no one in particular, they just encourage language. Some days Marjory sleeps a lot. Other days, she is more aware and making connections.  More sleeping than awareness anymore.

About 5 hours after breakfast, if she eats well, we have a good snack like a little peanut butter and jelly on a couple of crackers and milk or a protein drink (she only likes Premier brand).  If she did not eat well, we might eat sooner and have a more balance of protein, vegetables and fruit.  Unless she is napping.  We do not wake her from her naps.  She gets really involved in her dreams and takes a long time to come out of them.  She often wakes talking but not to us.  Dinner time and amounts again depend upon how much she has eaten already that day. If we aren’t sure, we give her several choices and tell her just to pick what she wants to eat.  If she is not hungry she will say she does not like it.  It means she does not feel like eating now.  And that is ok.  Whatever works for Marjory is what we do.  

We basically live our lives around Marjory’s needs.  I only have a few parameters.  We get ready for bed at 10:00 at the latest because I have to have my sleep or I do not function. It is a habit after three years with Marjory and rarely do I get rebellion. Sometimes she wants to watch the weather that comes on with the local news at ten o’clock.  I give her that.  It is not every night.  I try to take naps daily when Marjory naps. That, and regular exercise is how I stay energized.

Getting ready for bed, for us, is transferring to the wheelchair, to the toilet, changing into pajamas and night-time “undies.”  From there we go straight to bed.  She stands and transfers to sitting on the bed but it takes both my husband- Calvin and myself to lift legs and turn her at a 90 degree angle.  If you tell her to lay down, she will lay straight back across the bed.  You can show her how to do it but she cannot seem to figure it out.  Once she is in bed, I place the external catheter under diaper, wrap her feet(she likes that because her feet get cold-even if she wears socks), pull up the two bed rails, and stuff a pillow between them(because if you don’t she can get her legs between them so they hang down fro bed-don’t ask me how- I don’t know).  After that I pull up her covers, bend over and look her in the eye and tell her I love her and kiss her cheek.  Then she says “I love you, too.”  And she kisses my cheek.  I turn off the lights and she says, “It’s dark in here.”   I say, “Don’t be afraid.”  We are both just teasing and we chuckle.  

Somewhere during the day, we try to get to the rest room at least twice to keep dry. She will ask to go if she needs to have a BM, but otherwise is incontinent. She actually may ask to go outside because in her mind she lives as a little girl on her family’s farm and they used an outhouse.  Marjory is 100 years old.

Between spending time with Marjory, napping, and exercising, I find time to write- I just finished my book on my personal experience as a caregiver- I have different sewing projects I enjoy and I love to cook and bake. Some of this happens because we employ a Senior Helper@.  Honestly, my life is fairly balanced and I am happy and content.