Truth Goes Awry
Caring for an adult with dementia often requires some quick thinking. When Marjory asked why none of her family had been to see her, I did stop and give it some thought before answering. I went with the truth. I told her they died and were in Heaven. The look on her face, and the barrage of questions knocked me over. Who killed them? Will they come to kill me? How come nobody told me they died?
I spent the rest of the day, and many days after that, trying to explain that they were not killed, they died at different times from various health reasons, and they all had separate funerals. She was shocked and it was too much for her to absorb. After several months, she did forget that particular conversation, and talked about her family as though they all still lived on the farm where she grew up.
I learned a lot about dementia that day. Now my husband and I are getting expert at ignoring certain conversations, changing the subject, or interrupting her thinking with ice cream, cookies. All of those work well.
During that period of time, she asked me why, if her family was in heaven, they did not at least call her and let her know. I told her I did not know, but if I go to Heaven first, I will definitely call and let her know that I am there.
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