Dementia robs memory.
by Donna B. Barratt
I am the caregiver for my mother-in-law who has dementia. She has only top dentures. Her lower teeth are natural. She used to take out her dentures and brush them daily, in the privacy of the bathroom. She wanted no one to know that she had dentures at all. Then, over time, as dementia robbed her of her memory, she forgot about them, what a toothbrush and toothpaste were for, and she did not understand when I tried to help with this task. As with other things, you just “go with it.” A person with dementia, who loses memories, will not get them back, and you cannot reason with them about those things, because they no longer exist in their mind.
When you choose to accept becoming a caregiver for a loved one with dementia, you usually have little experience. If you read, you will be aware of issues that go along with that line of volunteer work, but until you have actually done it, you cannot really know what it will require. And though I have been caregiving for my mother-in-law for almost three years now, I could never predict the many things that happen.
So you might imagine what happened the morning I walked in her bedroom, when the motion monitor signaled she was moving (which meant she was waking),and in the middle of the floor lay that top set of teeth. I picked them up. She looked at them in my hands. I said, “I think your top teeth came out.” She said, “All my teeth are in my mouth.” I handed her the dentures and she looked them over, then declared again they belonged to someone else, and handed them back.
I looked at her and said, “feel in your mouth and check.” She said, “I don’t have to. I know I have my teeth and my teeth don’t come out.” I put them down and we dressed and went to the table for breakfast. I put the teeth on the table, near her, but not too near. I got her breakfast and thought about those teeth.
I wondered if I got the toothbrush and showed her how to clean them, if she would remember doing that. So I did that. She watched me. I know that muscle memory is real and it might help her make the connection. She took a bite of her breakfast sandwich and I watched her. I could see that she felt something was different as she chewed. She was thinking and looking at the teeth on the table. Slowly, she picked up the teeth and started to brush them. She brushed them for about five minutes. Then I walked away to do something and when I returned the teeth were not longer on the table and “mama” was eating again. I did not say a word, nor did she. Life moved on that day and in her mind, the experience was totally gone.
These are the kinds of things you do not read about in articles about caregiving for a dementia patient. Well until I wrote a book about my own caregiving experiences. It is in the publishing process now. I will let you know when “Conversations With a Caregiver” can be purchased. Thank you for reading my blog.